Monday, May 12, 2008


I'm finding my days shortening, and my breaths going right along with my days. I'm needing to remind myself to breathe, to sit, and to be reminded of an all encompassing picture of what my life currently is, not this little smidgen that I currently find myself in. I foolishly weigh the the tip of the mountain on my scale, but in doing so, i completely fail to see the mountain range that is. My scale is skewed. Instead of laying it all down at his feet, i'm doing my best, in my own power, to run as fast as i can and to try as hard as possible to make things OK for myself. In trying to control, i'm losing control, and i'm forgetting to surrender.

You alone are God, and i so need to be reminded of that. You are in control, and you have my best interest at heart. You provide, you sustain, you lavish me with things i couldn't imagine for myself, and you sing a song over me. God, amidst my dense thoughts and my racing emotions, I ask for a sensitivity to your song over me, that would teach me the posture to take to sing a song of praise to you, God-for all that you are. Teach me to be grateful, to give, and to choose to lean into you and to fall into your arms instead of taking my life into my own hands. I pray to trust you and your plan. As your kingdom unfolds on this earth, I pray that I would see how it is that you're allowing me to join you in that. I want to give you my heart, Lord. Guard it, Lord, and let me let you guard it. Right when I think I've arrived at that place of knowing what it is to surrender, doubt and fear and a flood of questions find their way into my mind. I pray, God that in this time, I would hand over those doubts, those fears and those questions. I pray that I would talk to you about those things, listen for your voice, and be diligent in knowing that i am full and being complete in you. I pray against the thoughts and the emotions that vie for my attention, God. I know that this is a battleground on which I tread. I ask, Lord, that you would forgive me in my stubbornness and my disregard for how my actions pull at your heart. I often find myself trusting in you with only a part of my heart, God. And that's not what i want; i want to trust you with all of it. God, i'm sorry for what I allow my eyes to see and what my spirit to endure that detracts of me from seeing and knowing you. I ask for life and to experience all that is life-giving, but I find myself stewing in the places i find comfortable and temporarily satisfying, God. I pray to choose the battle, the fight that will lead to sweet victory in you, God. With you, in you, there is triumph. Remind me that I am made in your image and for your glory. You call me worthy. YOU call me worthy. Thank you, Lord, for your grace and abundant love. I pray to receive and experience freedom.


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